Them Bones
by Sugar Skulls
Summary: They're a magical crime-fighting duo made up of a teenage girl and a living skeleton detective. Nobody's really surprised by anything after that. Except maybe when they figure out they're head-over-heels for each other. Valduggery Drabbles.
1. Haircut

**Them Bones**

**By: **_Sugar Skulls  
_

**Author's Note: **_Just some drabbles that pop into my head whenever they please. I know I'm not the only Valduggery fan out there. :D Not all of these will be romantic. Some will be just friendship, some will be pure silliness.

* * *

_

**Haircut**

Valkyrie gathered her long, dark hair over her left shoulder, examining the ends speculatively. Her brow furrowed, her lips pursed, and she made a displeased sound. Skulduggery, sitting on her windowsill with a leg dangling out into the night, looked at her.

"Alright," he said at last, "you've you been playing with your hair and looking aggravated for the past ten minutes. It's getting old. What's wrong?"

Valkyrie tossed her hair out of the way. "It's getting way too long. Fighting is getting difficult with it getting in my face all the time. Ponytails don't work anymore."

"Valkyrie, even if I weren't a genius detective, I could still easily offer you a solution to your problem," Skulduggery said with exaggerated patience. "Pay a visit to a nice barber and have it cut."

"I don't trust any of the barbers within a twenty mile radius of Haggard," Valkyrie said, shaking her head frantically. "Far too many haircuts my mum has gotten me into. Disastrous results." She peered at Skulduggery. "Do you know any magical barbers?"

"Yes, but I'm fairly certain you can't afford them," Skulduggery said, swinging his legs into the room and standing up. He clapped his hands together and said optimistically, "However, _I_ do a fairly good job at cutting hair."

Valkyrie stared at him. Then she grinned and fell over onto her bed, laughing madly. Skulduggery cocked his head to the side.

"What's so funny? You think I can't cut hair?"

"That's not it," Valkyrie gasped out between giggles.

"You think it's too feminine? Because I'll have you know, I had a wife and a daughter, so it was unavoidable."

"No, no, it's not that, either," snickered Valkyrie. She sat up, trying to force a straight face. Her lips twitched uncontrollably and she giggled some more. "It's just that…you think I'll actually let you come within a foot of my hair with scissors." She laughed. "That's priceless."

"Oh, that's lovely, that is," Skulduggery said tartly. "Alright, fine, then. Let your hair grow obscenely long, Rapunzel. But when we're investigating a case and we get into a fight, and your hair flies into your eyes and blinds you, giving the enemy the perfect opportunity to obliterate you, don't say I didn't warn you."

Valkyrie made a face at him. Then she pulled her hair over her shoulder again to look at it. She glanced at Skulduggery skeptically.

"How much practice have you had?" she asked suspiciously.

"I'm over a hundred years old. I've had plenty of time to perfect my hair care skills."

"Does that mean you're any good?" she Valkyrie asked.

"I'm Vin Diesel's personal barber," said Skulduggery proudly. At Valkyrie's horrorstruck expression, he added, "That was a joke."

Valkyrie glared at him.

"I'll get the scissors," Skulduggery said, striding to the bathroom and rummaging through the drawers beneath the sink.

"Fine," Valkyrie said reluctantly. "But I swear, Baldy, if there is so much as _one _uneven strand, I am going to take you apart, buy a teething puppy with your credit card, and giving your bones to it as a present!"

* * *

_LULZ._

_I haven't read the third book yet, so no spoilers! Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Keep an eye out for updates!_


	2. Silhouette

**Them Bones**

**By: **_Sugar Skulls_

**Author's Note: **_Just some drabbles that pop into my head whenever they please. I know I'm not the only Valduggery fan out there. :D Not all of these will be romantic. Some will be just friendship, some will be pure silliness.

* * *

_

**Silhouette**

"I hate camping," Valkyrie grumbled, huddled in her jacket, shivering, and wearing an expression most sour. "I'd rather sleep in the Canary Car."

"Cheer up, Val," Tanith said optimistically. "This little overnight stay in the forest was an unexpected result of the case, but we can make the best out of it!"

"Tanith's right," Skulduggery said. "We can do shadow puppets!" He leaned forward, making a shape with his gloved fingers. The little lantern in their makeshift tent brightly illuminated everything, and his hands cast a show on the sheet strung up across the middle of the tent to separate the men and the women's sides. Currently, Skulduggery, Tanith, Valkyrie, and Ghastly were gathered on the men's side. "Look, it's a dog!"

"You're just _full_ of surprises, aren't you?" Valkyrie smirked.

Skulduggery ignored her comment. "Ghastly can do a great bunny rabbit, can't you, Ghastly?"

Ghastly sat quietly in the corner of the tent, book in hand. He didn't look up from the page. "Oh, please don't make me—"

"Come on, Ghastly, do a bunny!" Tanith smiled. "Please?"

Ghastly sighed, rolled his eyes, and leaned over. He made a shape with his hands; a rabbit shadow appeared on the sheet. Skulduggery, Valkyrie, and Tanith applauded lightly, impressed.

"Well, this has been oodles of fun," Ghastly said dryly, picking up his book, "but I think I'll finish reading outside." He stood up and ducked out of the tent.

"Party pooper!" Tanith called after him. Valkyrie, too, stood up.

"I'm changing for bed," she announced.

"None of you are any fun at all!" Tanith complained. Valkyrie grinned and stepped around to the other side of the sheet.

"I'll have you know that I am tons of fun," Skulduggery said to Tanith.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure."

"Hey, Skul?" Valkyrie said. "Remind me to find that missing button from my tunic when we get home, will you? I've been meaning to ask Ghastly to sew it back on."

"Er, sure."

Tanish looked up at the sound of Skulduggery's voice. It sounded distracted and uncomfortable. Skulduggery's attention was on the sheet. Tanith looked at it as well, but all she saw was Valkyrie's silhouette unbuttoning her jacket. Tanith looked back at Skulduggery questioningly. What was he looking at? She looked looked at the sheet again; Valkyrie had shed her jacket and was slipping off her tunic.

Beside her, Tanith heard a faint sound. Strained, awkwardly surprised, it sounded. A small, "Ah…" passed through Skulduggery's teeth. Tanith gaped openly at him, comprehending.

"Skulduggery!" she hissed. He jumped, turning his head to her.

"What?"

"What are you looking at?" Tanith demanded in disbelief.

"Nothing!" Skulduggery said.

"You liar," Tanith accused. "You perv!"

"I am not!" Skulduggery said, mightily offended.

"You aren't, are you?" Tanith said, a slow smile creeping across her lips.

"Of course not!" Skulduggery said hotly. "What, you think I was watching her shadow…?"

"I'm fairly certain that's what you were focused so intently on," Tanith said smugly.

"Well, I wasn't," Skulduggery said firmly. "I'm appalled that you would even think that, Tanith Low. I mean, honestly. She's _sixteen._"

"What are you two whispering about over there?" Valkyrie asked curiously, her silhouette pausing in the act of pulling a tank top over her head.

"Nothing," Tanith and Skulduggery chorused.

"Oh, secrets," Valkyrie said sarcastically. "My favorite." She resumed changing.

"You're right, you're right," Tanith said lowly, still smiling. "I'm sorry. I know you better than that."

"That's right," Skulduggery said, nodding sharply. He didn't turn his head back to the sheet, choosing too look at the floor of the tent.

"I mean, why would you stare?" Tanith went on. "After all, there's just a sheet separating the two of you. Why would a powerful man like you let a sheet stop you from getting her?"

"Tanith!" Skulduggery hissed indignantly.

"It's obvious you're not interested if it's just a sheet stopping you," Tanith said with false woe. "It's obvious that you're not just _itching_ to reach out and touch her…"

Tanith's eyes darted down to catch Skulduggery's fingers twitch and flex before curling into restraining fists. Tanith grinned knowingly at him. She glanced at the sheet.

"Oh, look," she said. She said it so lightly, so casually, that Skulduggery habitually looked up to follow her gaze just in time to catch Valkyrie's silhouette undo the buttons on her pants and grip the waist and pull them down.

Skulduggery's startled groan was harder to stifle this time. His eyeless sockets were trained on the sheet, Tanith triumphantly noticed. Valkyrie's shadow's spine curved gracefully as she bent to pull on her sleep pants. When she straightened, Skulduggery looked back at the floor.

"I'm sorry, what were we discussing before?" Tanith asked innocently. "It seems I've forgotten and you were distracted."

"I'm going to kill you, Tanith," Skulduggery growled. Tanith took that as a confession.

"You're remarkably horny for a guy without a reproductive system," she observed.

"Shut up."

* * *

**Author's Note:** _-cackles- God, I loved writing this._


	3. Mesmerize

**Them Bones**

**By: **_Sugar Skulls_

**Author's Note: **_Just some drabbles that pop into my head whenever they please. I know I'm not the only Valduggery fan out there. :D Not all of these will be romantic. Some will be just friendship, some will be pure silliness.

* * *

_

**Mesmerize**

Valkyrie sat on the window seat, listening to her iPod. She gazed at her own shadow cast upon the floor by the moonlight spilling in behind her. She was waiting, but she was losing hope. It had been over a month. When would he be back? _Would_ he be back?

Just as she was preparing to give up for the night, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Her heart swelled enormously, and then she pushed it down. Ice frosted over her happiness. Valkyrie shut off her music without turning to look at him.

"So," she said coldly, "you're back?"

His voice was quiet. "Yes."

It took several moments until Valkyrie could speak again. "You know, I didn't mean to make you leave."

"Don't apologize."

"Did you think that was an apology?" Valkyrie said icily. "Because it wasn't." He said nothing. "You picked a bad time to run out on me."

"Did I?" he murmured.

"Yeah," Valkyrie said. "You ditched me just as my dad left on business. He's been gone just as long as you have. It all took a toll on me."

"I'm sorry," he said, and Valkyrie felt his fingers touch her hair.

"Yeah, right," she said, moving away from his touch. Her voice was clogged. She sniffled and took a few deep breaths. After a minute of silence, she asked, "Are you staying?"

"If you'll have me," he whispered. Valkyrie laughed an angry, tearful laugh.

"Why should I?" she demanded. "After all, I said 'I love you' for the first time, and you just _left_ for a month without a word!" She whirled to face him, snarling, "I took the hint, so why did you even come ba—" She broke off, staring up at him in shock. The man—the live man in the familiar pinstriped suit and hat—smiled a small, apologetic smile down at her.

Valkyrie gaped at the smooth skin stretched across the familiar high cheekbones, took in the shiny black hair peeking from beneath the hat, observed the deep brown eyes set beneath the hat.

"Hello, Valkyrie," he spoke in the velvet voice Valkyrie knew so well, the voice that made her go weak in the knees.

"Skulduggery?" she whispered. He nodded.

"In the flesh," she said quietly. "Literally."

Valkyrie could only stare. "How—"

"Your dad left on business, you said?" Skulduggery cut in cryptically.

"My dad did this?" Valkyrie said in disbelief. Again, Skulduggery nodded. "This is what you've been doing the past month."

"Yes."

"But why—"

"Because I love you, too," Skulduggery said. Valkyrie's eyes were huge as he stepped closer. "The moment you said you loved me, I knew I loved you too. Having decided that, I knew I had to find a way to make this happen, so I could finally do _this_ properly." He took another step closer. He took Valkyrie's stunned face his hand and bent his head down to press his warm, soft, human lips to hers.

* * *

**Author's Note: **_Awww. :D_


End file.
